Nighttime Comics Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Visa Program

Television's prominent hosts used the evening ridiculing former President Donald Trump's just unveiled visa initiative, dubbed the "golden visa," characterizing it as a obvious pay-for-access arrangement for the affluent.

Colbert's Pointed Take

Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert delivered a mock holiday tune targeting the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, before giving that list to the people at ICE," he intoned. "Trump ... destroys everything he comes into contact with."

The subject was the new plan that permits international citizens to buy U.S. legal status for an investment of a million dollars, with a "platinum" tier for $5 million. The program's portal pledges processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A brief thought here to rich applicants: before you fork over the cash, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He pointed out that the card is also designed to "extract cash" from companies looking to hire foreign workers, requiring hefty costs. "That's a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you also get two free nights at a property of your selection – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he said.

"The most thorough vetting the government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these applicants truly are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Commentary

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"Here's a card that will allow affluent overseas citizens to live here," he said. "For a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your choosing."

"Maybe it's time to update that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel lampooned the lack of detail of the application, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Exactly, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Grocery Issues

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's slipping approval ratings amid economic worries. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term since they were angry about the economy," he said.

This week, in a effort to discuss cost of living, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a display of grocery items, and reacted peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by mocking conservative media defenses of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he remarked.